always been a shoe made for the city

I have always been so perplexed by the fact that I often times find myself too exhausted to sleep. Long, exhausting days empty my proverbial bucket to the point where my complete lack of energy makes a silence in my head that causes all of my less than pleasant musings to jarringly echo against my skull. I find myself so thoughtful and introspective, yet too tired to deal with the repercussions of said state of mind. So I stare blankly at my computer screen.

Blink. Blink. Blink. How cliché to be hypnotized by my cursor. Blah.

Sometimes nothing is an amazing feeling. Like the absolute nothing I feel when I think about certain people is my favorite feeling in the world, or at least a welcome change to searing heartache, or gut wrenching anger.

Nothing is also much less threatening than ….feelings. Those kind. The kind that have previously been the start of a meteoric rise followed by a clumsy, desperate tumble down a rocky hill. You find yourself at the bottom, covered in bumps and bruises that will eventually heal, but their lasting impressions will inevitably make you think twice before you start up the next incline.

Blah blah blah, it’s all about the climb, thanks Miley.

You don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to admit just how actually feel, somewhere underneath all of the cynicism and brassy demeanor. You hate that the conversations you are having with yourself and everyone else are so cliché. You hate how cliché it is to call yourself out on being cliché, and find it endless annoying that you can’t find a more creative way to express yourself.

Love is amorphous being, an amoebic little bastard. Every experience, every person, every radiant moment, every crushing downfall, every unexpected variable changes your personal definition of this crazy little thing called love that Freddy Mercury just couldn’t handle. So how can we ever be sure of what we are feeling and how best to carry on?

Cue deep sigh. We can’t. I knooooooow. You just have to jump… eventually. If you’re going to make a mistake, make a big one.

I will jump. I promise. Just don’t shove me.